Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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