I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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