my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
handjob tips. give me some.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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