Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
this hospital has no fireball
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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