Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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