oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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