Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
