Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
