I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
