Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
