the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize