2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
