we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
