What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
