weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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