dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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