she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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