Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
