Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
