Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Come see our sink grown plant.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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