The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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