im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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