we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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