walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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