Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
