Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
