if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
