If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
