My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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