The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
