Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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