I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
