i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
