how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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