Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
