Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize