What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
home. puking in laundry basket.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
