someone get that fucking seahorse.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
