ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
this is an emotional support booty call
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
