I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
