That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
True strength comes from lack of pants
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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