When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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