How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
