at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
