I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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