we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think I won the penis lottery.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
only if we run a train.
done.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
