im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
