vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
