I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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