but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
