so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
