Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
