Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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