Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
3pm strippers are depressing
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
