apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Terrible idea I love it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
