Do you still have your period?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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