It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
