I can text with my tongue
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
