He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
