I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
areolas are like halos for boobs.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
