"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
