what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
