i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
