Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
