I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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