I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize