thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
