Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
