Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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