I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
