i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
