im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize