I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
